Have you ever tried to slam a revolving door?

It’s impossible.

I’ll paint “buying ladies clothing” with the same brush…maybe not impossible, because it’s obviously very possible to buy it. Having it be received well by the members and sell through might be the better comparison. I don’t pretend to be an expert when it comes to understanding what women want…especially when it comes to clothing.

But, I do pay attention. Just to put things in perspective I’ll share a long story with you – because it’s now my offseason and I have some writing to do…It takes place nearly ten years ago when I decided I should buy my wife something nice to wear as a Christmas present from a store that didn’t start with “La”. Oh, and, it’s fiction…but there are truths.

November 2000 – After very careful peeking into my wife’s closet I was able to come to certain findings regarding her clothing taste, and size. Based on the 83 different tops hanging in the shopping plaza within our own bedroom I came to the conclusion that she had no defined “style”. At first I thought that would make my life easier but I realized very quickly that if she liked a little bit of everything, then, she must also despise mostly everything. No problem. I’d take my chances on that one. I mean, I’ve been called “metro” so I must have some idea what my own wife would appreciate. The problem was magnified when, upon my horror, not all 83 tops were the same size. There were XS (Extra Small for those naturalists), S (Small), M (Medium) and there was even 1 L (Large).

How could that be?

I looked more closely and one of her favourite stores, as it turns out, was Banana Republic. She had several tops from that store alone so, again, I figured….easy. At least I know where I’ll be shopping. Not so fast Mister. Banana Republic had a size run from Small to Large (it was the one top in a large). Again, how is that possible? She found a store which obviously represented a style which she appreciated and she still had three different sizes in her closet?!?! I didn’t understand and I was a bit confused…which happens almost never. (remember….fiction)

I took on the daunting task of actually asking her about her choice of style and why she had so many different sizes given that she hadn’t actually changed sizes since we started dating. She had some pretty simple answers. First, she didn’t think she shopped based on style. When she went “shopping” she was actually looking for something to “buy”….she wasn’t going “buying”. She may, in fact, not buy anything after shopping for up to six hours. Here’s how the conversation went after that…I asked the first question….follow along. Her answers are in bold.

“So, you get dressed. Get in the car. And you have decided, in fact, committed…to go shopping, right?”
Yes. That’s right.
“And, you don’t really know what you’re shopping for? You’re just shopping?”
Yes. That’s right
“Seriously? You are looking for nothing then…I mean, you’re hoping to find something, but, actually looking for nothing?”
Matt, don’t critique my shopping habits.
“But, how can you be effective? I mean, how do you know if your day was a success?”
If I got something on sale.
“Everything at a shopping centre is on sale. It’s a business. They have to sell something.”
If it’s discounted. That’s what I meant. If I pick something up and it was discounted, then, I think I had a good shopping trip.
“So, when you shop it has to be discounted?”
No.
“But you just said..”
I said, it’s a good shopping trip when I pick something up and it’s been discounted.
“What’s the last thing you bought that was discounted?”
That scarf. The white one. It’s in the hall closet.
“The one with the tag in it? You haven’t worn it.”
I don’t think I like it.
“But you bought it.”
It was on sale…I mean discounted. *eyes rolling*
“Dayna..”
Matt, don’t try to get me to justify it. Just drop it. You don’t understand.
“I wan’t to understand because I want to buy you something for Christmas that you’ll like and I’ve gone through some pretty important steps in trying to make sure I get something that you’ll like. You can’t tell me what you like to wear. You have every colour represented. There’s no consistency in any of the sizes in your closet let alone consistency within the same clothing line. You tell me a good shopping day for you consists of getting something that’s discounted yet the last thing you bought that was discounted you don’t wear….or even like. I need some direction…c’mon.”
Ok. I’ll tell you exactly what I’d like. I’ve been looking for a cable knit sweater (I start writing these revelations down on a piece of paper). I don’t want buttons because they’ll just pop off eventually. It would be great if it had a zipper.
“Aren’t sweaters supposed to just have an opening in the top and you pull it over your head?”
That’s the point. I don’t want to pull it over my head. I want to keep my hair nice.
“Okay. Long sleeve I assume?”
Yes, long sleeves…duh.
“Don’t be nasty…I’m trying. Anything else?”
I don’t want to have to dry clean it. I hate that. It’s too expensive to dry clean. So make sure it’s machine washable.
“Okay, so…Long sleeve, cable knit sweater, with a zipper, and….no dry cleaning. Any colour?”
Black.

I went to Banana Republic first. It was obviously her favourite store. I went straight to the cashier and told him I have an easy sale. I read out the characteristics of the garment I was looking for and looked up when I was done. He just looked at me like I was from another planet.
“Um, sir. We don’t sell anything like that.”
Oh, any suggestions? It’s for a Christmas present.
“For your wife? You should probably ask her what she’d like first….just a suggestion.”
I did.
“Oh. Well, we don’t sell whatever it is she’s looking for. Try another store.”

I was in the Rideau Centre. I did try the other stores. I was basically met with the same reaction at every single store. The feedback first was that I should ask my wife exactly what she wants instead of just asking for some random piece of clothing. After assuring the sales assistant I had done so they would follow that up with a “Look somewhere else.”

I went on the internet in search of this elusive item. I found lots of sweaters but none had a zipper. The one’s that had zippers were sleeveless. With about 2 weeks to go until D-Day (December 25th) I found a sweater from an online company – they had no storefront. LL Bean. Luckily, for me they had overnight shipping on international orders for a fee that exceeded the cost of the sweater. I ordered it…based on the measurements (bra size), height, and weight suggestions from their online sizing chart…..in BLACK.

December 25, 2000 – Morning.

I’ll spare the other details….straight to the opening. And, did I mention that LL Bean offered free gift wrapping? This was going to be perfect. I would be the awe of other men. They would measure excellence in gift buying based on my feat….

Dayna opens the gift box.

Ooooh. LL BEAN. I’ve heard of that store. Aww Matt…….This is nice (holding sweater up). It’s not dry clean only is it? I say “Nope”. And it’s black, perfect. (Starts trying it on). I love the texture…cable knit (looking at me with a big smile…like I had done a great job). Oh, look, it’s the perfect length (right above the bum). Now, let me zip this up (zzzzzzzzip!). Oh, Matt, it’s beautiful. (She’s standing in front of the mirror, twirling, raising her arms up and down….then, sitting down….then stands up, then walks over to the kitchen cupboard and opens some of the upper cabinets….then back to the mirror. Her smile is gone.)

Look though…(turning to me)….you see how it doesn’t look the same anymore? It’s all twisted. (she unzips and removes the sweater, opens it up, looking at the inside of the garment and turns back to me)

It’s not lined. I would have liked it to be lined. Do they have any sweaters like this that are lined? Do you have the receipt?

The moral of the story…Keep trying.

Ladies Clothing coming to Rideau View in 2011…

Adidas
Nike
Daily
N’vo
Sport Haley
Cutter & Buck
Annika
Abacus

While you look forward to these wonderful lines in the spring I’ll be busy trying to slam that revolving door…and loving it!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 10th, 2010 at 6:13 pm and is filed under Rideau View. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.