Picture this scene…

A parent has brought their four year old child out to the golf course for the very first time. They borrow a US Kids junior club from the pro shop (US Kids specialize in junior equipment by the way) and the two of them, beaming smiles and all, head down to the driving range. It’s there that the two of them will share a moment that may be classified as a once in a lifetime moment…they’ll both be witness to the first “hit.” It goes well at first – the parent/child become involved in the “copy cat” coaching style…”Stand like this. Ok, now put the club behind the ball…perfect. Now watch…I bring the club up like this….and whooosh! I hit the golf ball like that…did you see that? Ok, now you do it.” It’s a fairly typical and simple demonstration. The child attempts to perform the same action (without success) and it’s normally met with some giddy laughter from both the parent and the child…both of them are having fun, playing.

And then…it happens. Contact. And again. And again. And again. BIG SMILES

It’s easy to imagine isn’t it?

Sadly, the moment is ruined…not always, but often. It’s ruined because after four consecutive strikes – an intention realized – there is almost always a miss – a learning opportunity for the child. Unfortunately, this learning opportunity is misunderstood by the parent as a moment for them to react to what just happened.

“It’s okay honey. Try again. You’ll hit another good one.”

Seems harmless, I know. In that comment the child just became aware of what’s “good” and what’s “bad”. So, they try to hit a good one. Miss. Another miss.

“Sweetie. Do what you did before. Keep your head down.”

Oh no. You didn’t just say “keep your head down” did you? Now they know the difference between good and bad shots AND right and wrong technique and it only took two sentences. Perfect. The child attempts to hit a “good” shot with the “right” technique. They stand still. Motionless. Then, swing. Contact again.

“You see. I told you. All you had to do was keep your head down. Great shot honey!”

Whiff. Whiff. Whiff.

“Try to put your hands closer together. You’re holding it like a hockey stick. This is golf. You’re supposed (parent demonstrating their best Vardon grip) to hold it like this sweetie.”

With hands close together the club becomes even more awkward in the child’s hands but they manage to dribble their next shot just off the range mat.

“There you go!”

The next attempt features a 360 degree spin-o-rama as the weight of the club is just too much to control with the new grip.

“Try to keep your feet on the ground honey. That’s why you missed it.”

I’ll stop there. You get the picture. If you’ve been involved in a conversation like this you’re not alone. Most of us are likely to plead guilty.

The author of Magical Child, Joseph Chilton Pearce, would likely describe the event on the driving range as a battle. The intent of the child versus the intentions of the parent. The intentions of the parent overwhelm the intent of the child and ultimately introduces anxiety…I don’t want to hit it “bad” again…I’ll try not to do it the “wrong” way this time. Pearce believes that a child learns by freely interacting through the five senses and body movement. Nothing more is needed.

In other words, the child can see what everyone else is doing on the range…they can hear the sound that is made when the club meets the ball…and they can feel the club in their hands as well as the ball when they put it on the tee. Kids will figure it out. The adult practice of providing immediate feedback before the child has a chance to “experience” this new world (driving range, club in hand, ball on tee) is damaging as it subjects the child to dealing with information and experiences better suited for a later stage in life. Think about when your spouse or playing partner tells you what you just did wrong when you flub your tee shot…think of how you feel inside…blood pressure rises, heart races, you feel your face flush….anxiety. Most of us do our best to avoid anxiety at all costs so are we ever truly ready? Anxiety, Pearce says, is the enemy of intelligence.

Magical Child is the core of my coaching philosophy. It’s my golf bible. And I fight my intentions with my own children every time they come out to the golf course. Sometimes, I’m successful. Other times I have failed because I get caught in that all too familiar trap.

I have a video of my son Mitchell, which some readers have seen before and while it is funny to watch (people have suggested I submit it to America’s Funniest Home Videos or to the Golf Channel) I watch it many many times for another reason. It was one of those “good” moments.

Mitchell’s intent was to get his ball out of the bunker. We knew that because he purposely put himself in that position. Our intentions as parents managed to stay muted (thankfully) as we just watched, offered a couple of words of encouragement for him to feel safe to keep doing what he was doing….and the result?

A glorious moment.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 21st, 2010 at 1:56 am and is filed under Rideau View. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.